Expiry date for friendships?

Recently, the internet seems to be presenting me with harsh truths about the life expectancy of my cosmetics. Did you know that products have a ‘shelf life’? And that it’s usually a lot shorter than you’d expect? I have lipsticks I have bought in what it seems like a different life, barely used, yet I have been holding onto for the longest time. I literally carried them across the world!

I am pretty sure, at this point, I have to let them go. They are not a fashionable colour anymore, they smell funny, I have six of them in my collection, and I don’t really like lipstick anymore. Also, masks. Why am I so emotionally attached to these products for a lifestyle I don’t have anymore.

And why do I struggle to keep other things in my life, such as friendships?

A long time ago, I’ve read about a research that proved how one could really know only 150 people at any point in time. Of course, you ‘know’ more than that just by name or memories, but it’s unlikely you would be maintaining stable social relationships above this Dunbar’s number. Yep, that’s the actual name.

I think of this a lot and my lifestyle allows me to live by it. Go on, check my facebook. I won’t have any more than 150 friends.

To be fair, facebook came into my life as I started University, so I didn’t have to add all my classmates to begin with. I studied in a few different cities so there wasn’t much time to be part of big groups of friends there either. Then, I moved abroad so, along with not having any number on my phone except my family members, there was no need to ‘keep in touch’ with people I like to call ‘friends for a reason’.

Friends for a reason are all those people you get together for, well, a reason! Like attending a course together, living in a different city for a month, and so on. Then you have friends for a season: high school classmates or people you worked with, years ago. Finally, friends for a lifetime are those that, no matter where or when you meet, it’s like you’ve never left each other’s side.

It took me a while to grow comfortable with the idea that this Dunbar’s number is nothing other than an expiry date for friendships. If I don’t add you on facebook, it’s not that I don’t like or care about you, I am just aware our friendship might be for a reason and a season and that is perfectly fine.

You have those cans of tuna on the shelf that have been with you through several houses and you know you can rely on. Then, there’s that one perfect banana which is just ripe enough for you to do so many things with and you look away for one second and it’s now a black mushy lump of goo.

Are you keeping it?

Didn’t think so.

It also doesn’t mean you forgot the banana and it’s your fault it got bad. There are other fruits that might be a better fit for your life, such as apples. They hang around for a while, and even when they’re a bit wrinkly you can chuck them in the oven with some cinnamon. Dessert sorted.

Just, don’t eat your friends. This is a metaphor!



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