What about second lockdown?
Welcome to Victoria, where grass is never green and lockdowns come in twos. As of the 23rd of July, the news on everybody’s lips is going to be masks.
Literally.
Much discussed by politicians, not enough by public transport, masks will be mandatory 99.9% of the time. Rules are vague and the Premier’s one liners are even more confusing.
Everyone should wear a mask even while driving, but not while driving with household members.
Teachers have to wear masks, except when they’re teaching.
Everyone should wear a mask while doing physical activity outside except if they’re running.
Then, the guidelines start becoming just common sense, and people like me don’t even have to come up with creative strategies to find loopholes. Loopholes are a low hanging fruit, just like our masks.
Masks have to be worn everywhere except at the bank and when eating, drinking, or smoking.
Does it mean I can be in a car with strangers parked outside a bank and I don’t have to wear a mask as long as I am sipping a drink?
Of course, this is purely hypothetical.
As we were all watching the news and trying to guess what ‘Err on the side of caution’ meant, the Premier said something that I found utterly hilarious: ‘Students aged 12 or older must wear a mask to school. We will see some interesting things’.
And he giggled like it’s the most unbelievable joke he’s ever told.
We came back to my favourite battle to pick: school uniforms!
It’s not ‘interesting times’, it’s just not wearing a cookie-cut outfit. People do that all over the World and they grow up just as fine with the same number of druggies and bullies.
Tartan won’t save your soul!
Wearing clothes that are not made of the itchiest wool won’t make you a loser in life. Let kids wear any mask and don’t make such big of a deal out of it.
I would love to write an ode to masks but my Shakespearean English is a bit rusty. So I will write a very modern pros and cons list you can refer to:
Literally.
Everyone should wear a mask even while driving, but not while driving with household members.
Teachers have to wear masks, except when they’re teaching.
Everyone should wear a mask while doing physical activity outside except if they’re running.
Then, the guidelines start becoming just common sense, and people like me don’t even have to come up with creative strategies to find loopholes. Loopholes are a low hanging fruit, just like our masks.
Masks have to be worn everywhere except at the bank and when eating, drinking, or smoking.
Does it mean I can be in a car with strangers parked outside a bank and I don’t have to wear a mask as long as I am sipping a drink?
Of course, this is purely hypothetical.
As we were all watching the news and trying to guess what ‘Err on the side of caution’ meant, the Premier said something that I found utterly hilarious: ‘Students aged 12 or older must wear a mask to school. We will see some interesting things’.
And he giggled like it’s the most unbelievable joke he’s ever told.
We came back to my favourite battle to pick: school uniforms!
It’s not ‘interesting times’, it’s just not wearing a cookie-cut outfit. People do that all over the World and they grow up just as fine with the same number of druggies and bullies.
Tartan won’t save your soul!
Wearing clothes that are not made of the itchiest wool won’t make you a loser in life. Let kids wear any mask and don’t make such big of a deal out of it.
I would love to write an ode to masks but my Shakespearean English is a bit rusty. So I will write a very modern pros and cons list you can refer to:
Pros of face masks:
You get to use less makeup
Nobody sees your chapped lips and the cold-sore you’ve had for weeks –totally not me-
Covers pimples on half your face
Nobody can tell if you just drank coffee
No ‘lipstick on teeth’ embarrassing moments –as if we had many social events to navigate-
You can coordinate it to your clothes
You don’t have to coordinate it to your clothes
It’s a reverse ‘cool sunglasses’ effect –this is when people look moderately better when half facial features are covered-
Helps prevent the spread of COVID-19 etc
Cons of face masks:
If you ever remove it you will have redness and lines all over your nose and cheeks
You will never know if you got something in your teeth
You can’t whisper or mouth anything to your mates
Men that complain about masks are the same that complain about condoms
Your nose is itchy all the time and you can’t scratch it
You will never be able to tell how people who got botox done to their forehead are feeling
A general waste of lip-fillers
People who can’t wink can’t flirt from afar
That’s the best I could come up with. I honestly think everyone should wear a mask and that, from now on, basic hygiene standards should be mandatory in all countries. Actually, I can’t believe how low these standards were until January. I can’t wait to see hand sanitiser stations in all food courts and shops moving forward.
Tartan won't save your soul, but a face mask might!
Image: via
Nobody can tell if you just drank coffee
No ‘lipstick on teeth’ embarrassing moments –as if we had many social events to navigate-
You can coordinate it to your clothes
You don’t have to coordinate it to your clothes
It’s a reverse ‘cool sunglasses’ effect –this is when people look moderately better when half facial features are covered-
Helps prevent the spread of COVID-19 etc
Cons of face masks:
If you ever remove it you will have redness and lines all over your nose and cheeks
You will never know if you got something in your teeth
You can’t whisper or mouth anything to your mates
Men that complain about masks are the same that complain about condoms
Your nose is itchy all the time and you can’t scratch it
You will never be able to tell how people who got botox done to their forehead are feeling
A general waste of lip-fillers
People who can’t wink can’t flirt from afar
That’s the best I could come up with. I honestly think everyone should wear a mask and that, from now on, basic hygiene standards should be mandatory in all countries. Actually, I can’t believe how low these standards were until January. I can’t wait to see hand sanitiser stations in all food courts and shops moving forward.
Tartan won't save your soul, but a face mask might!
Image: via
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