What I've learned from Paris

Well well, what an awkward situation. I waited for the best occasion to post what I've learned from my trips to Paris but, as you may have noticed, I ended up not posting it at all. Until now.

• There is no such thing as too much gold

Gold, gold everywhere. Golden everything. Remember?

• Museums are closed on Tuesdays

I may or may not have missed the Mona Lisa a first time because we had other things to do. And a second time because the museum was closed. And a third time because I just didn't go back to the Louvre.

• I look French

As a good basic tourist I learned how to order drinks at Starbucks in French. Of course it doesn't take much since the names are in English, you just have to "think French". Then I gave the barista my best "I'm sorry, what?!" when she asked for my name, in French. At least it worked for 10 seconds.

• Only because you can see it, it doesn't mean it is nearby

Every street in Paris is wide, every square is huge, and every building is majestic. So when you see something you want to go see because it looks near, by all means go! But cancel your plans for the next hour.

• Driving around the Arc de Triomphe is pure madness

If an Italian says that, you know you have to trust me on this one. Grab some candies and/or popcorn and start socializing with the other drivers while you drive around it multiple times trying to get out at the right exit.

• You don't slice a baguette

Picnics consist of foie gras (or a cheaper option), cheese, and a baguette. That you don't slice but break with your bare hands, and use the knife only to layer on the other ingredients.

• Do not trust the queue!

If you have the genius idea to visit the palace of Versailles on the busiest day of the year, jump the ticket queue and enter from the exit. Karma won't get you because you still have to queue all across the front square to actually enter the castle.

• Madeleines are ugly 

Sorry Mr. Proust, we all like them but I have to agree: compared to, well, every other French dessert, they are pretty ugly.

• The language

"And how do you say 'cheap' in French?" "I think... no we don't have such word." When even French people cannot remember the word 'bon marchè', you know you have a problem.

• Policemen are HOT

I'm not even kidding. Those on the streets, those at the airport, every single one is pretty good looking. Trust me on this one as well!