Everyone is hoarding something

For anyone asking, I can confirm it is absolutely true that any small injury that happens past the age of 27 is permanent. Look at me, one day I relaxed too hard watching TV and I had to call in sick because of the pain in my back.

It went like this: “Hi it’s me, I might need to take a day off. I’ve hurt myself.” “Oh no! What happened? Did you do extreme sports? Did you poison yourself again?” “I watched murder documentaries in a funny position.” “Welcome to 30.” I am sure my manager accompanied the last remark with my signature ‘jazz hands’.

So, I am at home with a sharp pain in my lower back every time I turn to the right, or stand up, or sit. What can I do other than taking painkillers and laying on the floor watching Youtube on my phone, thanking the universe for bringing Pop Sockets into my life?

Honestly, the last thing I need is another bruise on my ego because my phone fell on my face.

So I am laying on my favourite pink furry rug next to the heater, and I am going down Youtube rabbit holes, as you do.

Makeup, viral videos, commentaries, recipes, social experiments, and obviously hoarders.

In one episode they interviewed a psychologist who said that everyone is a hoarder of something.

Surely, they said something else but that’s where I stopped listening and started climbing my moral high ground: I don’t hoard anything! Look, I managed to fit my life in a suitcase and moved to the other side of the world. What a perfect pistachio.

Although to be completely transparent, I did leave more bandanas in Italy that I dare to confirm. Yet, not enough to make me sleep on the floor!

Despite the current circumstances.

What if what the psychologist was referring to wasn’t tangible? What if we do all hoard something and that something happens to be emotions? What if our emotional baggage is our own hoarding problem? We live in it, sometimes it is dangerous to our survival, embarrassing, too big to tackle, and we don’t really know when it started.

If you had to list every emotion you feel in a day, you would probably notice a pattern. A little reward, something you seek in your memories, inner dialogue, interactions with others, or in the media you consume and in what catches your eye… I know for some is not a reward at all! It might seem to you that you are an imposter awkwardly walking through life wondering who gave you permission?

What are we hoarding?

Are we hoarding grudges, embarrassing moments from when we were teenagers, or the memories of past loves?

I know I feel at my best when I can tick something off a mental to-do list, and I also know the more items I can fit on my list, the more rewarding ticks I am collecting. Too many to count or to display nicely in a well-deserved frame. Some are cheap wins, some are rushed, some are not even on my list but I tick them anyway! I stole lists from people and ticked them!

Oh you need help with that work spreadsheet? Don’t worry I can take care of it. Yes please send me the file and give me that mental tick. It’s going to look so good in that dark forgotten corner of my mind.

I guess that psychologist just walked into my head-house and stumbled across all the ticks and smiley faces on mountains of to-do lists and pointed out that I am a hoarder.

What a clumsy descent from my moral high ground that was.

As I am laying here unpacking my life watching someone who is quite literally packing it away, I remembered I bookmarked a webpage. Follow the link if you could use some boxes and labels tidying up your mind after reading this.



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