Earbuds and the metaphysical timeline
Picture me, standing at the bus stop, or entering the coffee room at work. Just a regular human being, doing normal human stuff. Nobody suspects anything. One might even assume that exchanging a few words about the weather or a greeting would be just a common courtesy between people.
HA!
I tricked you all into thinking I was a functioning member of society, when all I was doing, in my head, was chilling with Beyonce’.
What happened there? Right after I noticed I was being addressed, I did the thing.
You know when you curl up your shoulder, tilt your head, raise your eyebrows and say “sorry?” while removing a perfectly camouflaged earbud.
Beyonce’ faintly playing in the background.
At that point, from experience, most people re-evaluate their opening line.
They rarely repeat exactly what they just said. That timeline is gone forever.
We’re between the: “I SAID: good morning” and the “Oh I did not realise you were listening to music” timelines.
One is the perfect backstory for an arch-nemesis situation, the other is where all reality is lost and metaphysics kicks in.
Guess which one happens to me more often?
The fact that I can walk around with Queen Bey in my ears clearly shows I have no enemies to watch out from.
So, I am walking into the class where I will be sitting for the next 8 hours for some training, and I am listening to music when I notice my trainer moving her mouth in my direction.
I do the thing.
“Sorry?”
“Oh, I did not realise you were listening to music.”
“Yeah, I am actually just pretending to be a functioning member of society. It must be a millennial thing.”
After this, you can rest assured the trainer will remember your name and never call you for a demonstration in front of the class.
Not after all these random potential topics you’ve just thrown in their face.
I personally call this a win-win situation, with a minimal chance of nemesis being created out of sheer awkwardness.
When you see me standing there, that’s just my body. My soul is in the metaphysical timeline, twerking with Nicki Minaj and thinking about existence.
Image: via
I tricked you all into thinking I was a functioning member of society, when all I was doing, in my head, was chilling with Beyonce’.
What happened there? Right after I noticed I was being addressed, I did the thing.
You know when you curl up your shoulder, tilt your head, raise your eyebrows and say “sorry?” while removing a perfectly camouflaged earbud.
Beyonce’ faintly playing in the background.
At that point, from experience, most people re-evaluate their opening line.
They rarely repeat exactly what they just said. That timeline is gone forever.
We’re between the: “I SAID: good morning” and the “Oh I did not realise you were listening to music” timelines.
One is the perfect backstory for an arch-nemesis situation, the other is where all reality is lost and metaphysics kicks in.
Guess which one happens to me more often?
The fact that I can walk around with Queen Bey in my ears clearly shows I have no enemies to watch out from.
So, I am walking into the class where I will be sitting for the next 8 hours for some training, and I am listening to music when I notice my trainer moving her mouth in my direction.
I do the thing.
“Sorry?”
“Oh, I did not realise you were listening to music.”
“Yeah, I am actually just pretending to be a functioning member of society. It must be a millennial thing.”
After this, you can rest assured the trainer will remember your name and never call you for a demonstration in front of the class.
Not after all these random potential topics you’ve just thrown in their face.
I personally call this a win-win situation, with a minimal chance of nemesis being created out of sheer awkwardness.
When you see me standing there, that’s just my body. My soul is in the metaphysical timeline, twerking with Nicki Minaj and thinking about existence.
Image: via
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