Belly mommies are among us!
Something very strange is happening in Italy, and it all starts from public Facebook groups dedicated to parenting. The most peculiar stories are then collected and shared, to become the latest pop culture phenomenon. I know, from experience, how hard it is to reference pop culture from another country and to see your joke fall flat, but today is your lucky day! I will introduce you to the wonders of the 'belly mommy'.
What are 'belly mommies'? Or 'mamme pancine' in Italian? They are the kind of mums who are not afraid of oversharing on social media, and who openly believe in all sorts of traditions and superstitions when it comes to their babies. Some of these beliefs seem to come straight out of their great grandmas' diary: do not let your child see their own reflection in a mirror before being baptised; if envious neighbours compliment your child they are actually cursing him/her, trick them with a doll instead; if you can't get pregnant try burning rosemary and a used pad while wearing a fertility pendant; if a girl is poisoning your son with the idea of moving away to study and ironing his own shirts, she is a witch.
'Belly moms' are the protectors of the ancient secret of life: doing mum things around the house, such as cleaning, washing, and receiving cleaning supplies for your birthday just like you've always wanted, because your husband cares about you.
Thanks to Facebook groups dedicated to motherhood, these mums regularly come out to seek friendly advice from other mums about all sorts of issues, including medical ones. For example: their 78 week old child stopped seeking their breast, is there a way to find that connection again? Someone's cousin's friend refused to let the doctors cut the umbilical cord because it should fall naturally, can they do it too? Can they at least eat the placenta? Luckily, some mums are more in touch with the universe, and would transform placenta into fashionable fertility accessories, instead of simply hanging it outside the door in a ziploc bag, along with a blue or pink ribbon that indicates the birth of a child in the household.
That's a typically Italian thing to do. The ribbon, not the placenta thing.
It's important that their posts always start with 'no criticism, compliments only'. Just in case someone with any idea of how life works dared to contradict what they believe to be true facts about social life and sexuality.
Contradicting them is possibly the easiest thing to do, considering their sense of living in today's society is on a different level from, let's say, everyone else. We often hear of 'belly moms' intending to celebrate their daughters' first 'dew days' bringing an explicit cake to school; complaining about a restaurant's service when the waiters don't stop to play with their kids; asking how to convince their teenage daughters to wear underwear under their bikini; how to tell their daughter that she can't go on holiday with her friends, but their son, same age, can; wondering how to explain to their little prince that the neighbour has long hair but he's a boy.
The world we live in is quite strange indeed.
You should imagine all this, written in the most grammatically incorrect way possible, and with minimal punctuation.
I kept my favourite kind of questions for last. These are the ones that showcase such deep knowledge and understanding of human's sexual nature: don't let your daughter shave her legs or she will get pregnant; drink a lot of water before a sexy night with your husband and never use the toilet until the very end so you can eliminate all the 'little honey' from within; while having intercourse 'from behind but not in front', if something happens and there's blood, you might get pregnant and what a shame to explain it to the baby!
I witnessed this 'belly moms' phenomenon expanding, and people are starting to use 'belly moms' words more frequently while having conversations with other people, usually in a sarcastic way. One of the key words is 'Livorno bags' (Italian city abbreviated as LV) to indicate the popular bags by designer Louis Vuitton. It begun with the infamous post where a 'belly mom' witnessed a fancy girl with said 'Livorno' bag, asking for soy milk at a bar but with no luck, so our mummy decided to offer her a real good all natural and freshly pumped milk for her coffee but the girl made a disgusted face.
How dare she! No criticism, compliments only.
Another common attribute you might hear is 'envious little teachers from private high school'. This defines any girl, or woman, that disagrees with their beliefs, or tries to correct them on sexual education. Our 'belly mommy' is obviously against such topic. She managed to learn everything on her own, as we saw, so the same should work for her kids. Not the boys, of course! They, just like their fathers, should know nothing about 'dew days'.
Also, please post anonymous, is there a way to know if a husband masturbates? Asking for a friend.
It's not for us to know if these stories are all real, nor if the supporting comments come from kindred mums, or massive trolls. What we do know, is that this is a cultural phenomenon that's taking Italy by storm, so much that 'belly mommy' was a popular Halloween choice of costume this year!
Image: via
What are 'belly mommies'? Or 'mamme pancine' in Italian? They are the kind of mums who are not afraid of oversharing on social media, and who openly believe in all sorts of traditions and superstitions when it comes to their babies. Some of these beliefs seem to come straight out of their great grandmas' diary: do not let your child see their own reflection in a mirror before being baptised; if envious neighbours compliment your child they are actually cursing him/her, trick them with a doll instead; if you can't get pregnant try burning rosemary and a used pad while wearing a fertility pendant; if a girl is poisoning your son with the idea of moving away to study and ironing his own shirts, she is a witch.
'Belly moms' are the protectors of the ancient secret of life: doing mum things around the house, such as cleaning, washing, and receiving cleaning supplies for your birthday just like you've always wanted, because your husband cares about you.
Thanks to Facebook groups dedicated to motherhood, these mums regularly come out to seek friendly advice from other mums about all sorts of issues, including medical ones. For example: their 78 week old child stopped seeking their breast, is there a way to find that connection again? Someone's cousin's friend refused to let the doctors cut the umbilical cord because it should fall naturally, can they do it too? Can they at least eat the placenta? Luckily, some mums are more in touch with the universe, and would transform placenta into fashionable fertility accessories, instead of simply hanging it outside the door in a ziploc bag, along with a blue or pink ribbon that indicates the birth of a child in the household.
That's a typically Italian thing to do. The ribbon, not the placenta thing.
It's important that their posts always start with 'no criticism, compliments only'. Just in case someone with any idea of how life works dared to contradict what they believe to be true facts about social life and sexuality.
Contradicting them is possibly the easiest thing to do, considering their sense of living in today's society is on a different level from, let's say, everyone else. We often hear of 'belly moms' intending to celebrate their daughters' first 'dew days' bringing an explicit cake to school; complaining about a restaurant's service when the waiters don't stop to play with their kids; asking how to convince their teenage daughters to wear underwear under their bikini; how to tell their daughter that she can't go on holiday with her friends, but their son, same age, can; wondering how to explain to their little prince that the neighbour has long hair but he's a boy.
The world we live in is quite strange indeed.
You should imagine all this, written in the most grammatically incorrect way possible, and with minimal punctuation.
I kept my favourite kind of questions for last. These are the ones that showcase such deep knowledge and understanding of human's sexual nature: don't let your daughter shave her legs or she will get pregnant; drink a lot of water before a sexy night with your husband and never use the toilet until the very end so you can eliminate all the 'little honey' from within; while having intercourse 'from behind but not in front', if something happens and there's blood, you might get pregnant and what a shame to explain it to the baby!
I witnessed this 'belly moms' phenomenon expanding, and people are starting to use 'belly moms' words more frequently while having conversations with other people, usually in a sarcastic way. One of the key words is 'Livorno bags' (Italian city abbreviated as LV) to indicate the popular bags by designer Louis Vuitton. It begun with the infamous post where a 'belly mom' witnessed a fancy girl with said 'Livorno' bag, asking for soy milk at a bar but with no luck, so our mummy decided to offer her a real good all natural and freshly pumped milk for her coffee but the girl made a disgusted face.
How dare she! No criticism, compliments only.
Another common attribute you might hear is 'envious little teachers from private high school'. This defines any girl, or woman, that disagrees with their beliefs, or tries to correct them on sexual education. Our 'belly mommy' is obviously against such topic. She managed to learn everything on her own, as we saw, so the same should work for her kids. Not the boys, of course! They, just like their fathers, should know nothing about 'dew days'.
Also, please post anonymous, is there a way to know if a husband masturbates? Asking for a friend.
It's not for us to know if these stories are all real, nor if the supporting comments come from kindred mums, or massive trolls. What we do know, is that this is a cultural phenomenon that's taking Italy by storm, so much that 'belly mommy' was a popular Halloween choice of costume this year!
Image: via
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